Being kind to ourselves

I was at a lovely day-long metta (loving-kindness) retreat today. I always find loving-kindness meditation to be extremely therapeutic - thinking kind thoughts about yourself and others. Loving-kindness is a practice from the Buddhist tradition that I am quite fond of: the practitioner repeats phrases over and over again which plant seeds of friendliness which are then cultivated in our everyday lives.

The common phrases are:

May all beings be safe from inner and outer harm
May all beings be happy and joyful
May all beings be healthy and strong
May all beings live with ease and know peace.

(Because I am such a thinker, I needed phrases and words that really worked for me, and so I have slightly altered phrases I use, which I posted yesterday.)

The conventional practice is to begin with oneself, then a friend, then a person to whom one is neutral (that is, someone for whom you do not have strong feelings either way), then a difficult person, and then loving-kindness towards all beings. My teacher had an excellent tactic of avoiding the Western tendency towards self-criticism, self-judgment, and self-hatred by beginning with someone who we can love unconditionally or who is the embodiment of friendliness - the Dalai Lama, a pet - or for me, I sometimes begin with Jesus. If we can't wish ourselves that level of loving-kindness, it may help to imagine someone who can wish us safety, happiness, well-being, and peace.

One of my learning moments was when I attempted to cultivate loving-kindness towards a person who was too difficult, too tough for me. I would be in the midst of the mantra, holding this person in my awareness, when the storyteller chattering in my head would turn on. I became wrapped up in the story of how this person irritated me, how this person was mean, and how this person had hurt me personally. It is fascinating how wrapped up we are in the chatter in our heads that fabricates a story about who we are - and that ego, that sense of self that is disconnected from all the rest of creation - can be offended, have wounded pride, and be hurt. I needed to take a step back and focus on being kind to someone less challenging. Hopefully, with practice, I can extend an attitude of kindness more easily to others, even those who are quite difficult in my life.

My teacher emphasized, once we've learned where our heart opens, to focus our attention there. For example, for me, my heart opens when I work on loving myself. Self-judgment has in the past been a near constant for me. I think I'm going to really work in the next little while to cultivate my acceptance of myself through some good meditation on being kind towards myself.


(For more information, there's an outline of metta I came across, here:
http://www.wildmind.org/metta/introduction/outline)

May everyone, everywhere feel safe and protected;
May everyone, everywhere feel happiness and know joy;
May everyone, everywhere be balanced and well;
May everyone, everywhere live with ease.